And We Couldn't Wait to Grow Up (UsUk)
by Pochemuchkkaa
Summary: Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when Dad's shoulders were the highest place on Earth and mom was your hero? The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and good byes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn't wait to grow up.


Hey Arthur, I'm staring at a half empty bottle right now, and I kinda wonder when it was that soda turned into vodka.

I remember, Arthur, when I got my first bike, and I crashed into a stop sign. We were kids and you laughed at me but still insisted I tell my parents and go to the doctor because I might have a "concussion". It doesn't matter that you were right, you still worry too much.

I remember when I got my driver's license and you were seriously worried I'd crash my car the first time I drove it. After that every once in awhile you'd give me lectures about driving safely. I remember that one April Fool's day that Gil said I got in a car crash and you had a panic attack. I still feel really bad about that

I remember when I was in...seventh grade I think. I told you I kissed some girl and you got all flustered and jealous and I was like "What the hell dude". I thought you were just jealous because I got a first kiss before you did. I remember in high school when I "went all the way" with that one cheerleader who only dated me because I was a football player and you nearly ripped my head off. You didn't talk to me for a week. Finally I got you to talk to me and I said I regretted it and I knew it was a stupid mistake. You still acted weird after that and I felt like I did something wrong but I had no idea what. One day I had enough and I begged you to tell me what was wrong, and you got all flustered again and told me you liked me. That was the day I found out "hey, I'm super gay for this kid".

Then shit got really bad. I tried to hide it all. I didn't want to seem weak and I didn't want to drag anyone else down. We were the talk of the school but I didn't care. You said you didn't care, that you didn't mind what some stupid high schoolers say, but you weren't a convincing liar. That was the year I got into so many fights the school considered expelling me. You were so mad at me for that, I found it funny at the time. You graduated that year, but since I was a year younger than you I had to deal with school for one more year.

You watched me like a hawk when you could but I was pretty stupid. I got into stupid, stupid situations. On weekends I went out with my friends and got drunk and did whatever drugs they brought. One time you found out I was high and I ratted me out to my parents. At the moment I was so mad at you. I got in so much trouble. Eventually I accepted it was for the better though.

Then Dad started drinking and oh god. It was hell. I went to your apartment so often that you'd joke that I practically lived there. It was so much better than going home. He'd drink and get angry and yell. I got the least of it. He would scream and hit mom and I never understood how he could do it. Even drunk, how could he hit her? He was a monster. He would constantly yell at Matt. I'd always be there though, I really wanted to be the hero. I should've said something, honestly. You started to get suspicious but you didn't know how bad things were getting. I never told you. I didn't really want to talk about it.

And we couldn't wait to grow up.

Ugh. Art, my head hurts so much right now. I wish I could go back, ya know. Scraped knees and concussions seem like a better deal than this. I can't go back and I'm so sorry that I'm not strong enough. I tried so hard to be there. I was the hero. When your dream college rejected you I was there angrily listing off all the things they were missing out on by not having you at their school. I even got you to laugh when your neighbors screamed through the walls for me to shut up. I was there when your mom died and you wouldn't let me into your apartment until it was three in the morning and I hadn't left your door. And when you let me in you didn't say anything you just held on to me and stared at the wall damning the world while I stroked my fingers through your hair.

Sometimes you'd ask me what was wrong and I'd smile and say how could anything be wrong when I had you, and you'd roll your eyes.

I stayed strong because I didn't want to hurt you. We laughed and smiled and it was all good. Sort of. Then I'd have to go home and there'd be screaming and alcohol and black eyes. I'd text you in the middle of the night because the screaming was keeping me up. I just said I couldn't sleep and you would usually reply saying I should try harder.

Goodbye Arthur. I'm sorry. I remember when goodbyes meant "see you tomorrow". It means so much more than that now.

I'm sorry Arthur. I'm so sorry. I can't stay strong anymore and I'm certainly not the hero anymore. Hell, was I ever?

I swallowed them Arthur. I'm sorry. I took them all. I don't even know how many pills there were Arthur. So many. I'm sorry. It isn't your fault and please don't blame yourself. I love you so much.

 **A/N: I DIDN'T WANT TO PUT A NOTE IN THE BEGINNING, SO HERE WE ARE. ;v; Oh fuck. Kill me. This wasn't supposed to be this sad. Shit. I wrote this between twelve and one in the morning. Then I had to go back and add a part because I forgot it. I read that quote and got all emotional and I wanted to write. Woops. So yeah. Alfred's suicide letter everybody. I sure am a positive Pete. ^^ This is really short, but it will stand alone in its angsty-ness.**


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